Some days I feel like I've done nothing, when in reality I've done stuff. I think it's because I have a studio apartment, and I spend most of my time in bed. (I don't have a couch.)
So, today I got an interview with an educational nonprofit. It's for next week, and I really hope that I get the job. My Masters is in Education, and I like working at nonprofits, and they seem like a good fit.
I also applied to a job at a health insurance nonprofit. I'm not sure if I'll get a call back from them, but you've got to keep your fingers crossed and keep looking.
I also read 1/3 of a book. It's called the "Whistleblower, an its about an UN Peacekeeper who discovered that sex-trafficking was going on in Bosnia. It's a great read.
No one reads this, but at least I feel better about myself. Time to get ready to meet a friend:-)
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Honesty Time, Wohoo!!
It's time to be honest with myself and others....
Can someone please tell me if my perception is correct that it's easier to talk about one's physical disability and hush one's mental and intellectual disability and hide it under the rug? Is it because if we see it, we know what to expect? If we don't see it, we're afraid of it...We're afraid of how the person acts and what the person might do to himself or others?
How does one even disclose one's mental/intellectual disability? Hello, I appear normal, but I'm really not.....I'm unable to drive because my attention goes everywhere and I zone out and literally forget what I was doing and how I got from point A to point B.
Or, Hello, I appear normal, and I laugh at your jokes and in secret I emotionally beat myself up and cry and think that I'm not normal enough up because I have depression. I take drugs because my serotonin level is low.
Ok, honesty is over.
And something is in the mix because if I feel this way, countless others do to.....
We are not alone.
Can someone please tell me if my perception is correct that it's easier to talk about one's physical disability and hush one's mental and intellectual disability and hide it under the rug? Is it because if we see it, we know what to expect? If we don't see it, we're afraid of it...We're afraid of how the person acts and what the person might do to himself or others?
How does one even disclose one's mental/intellectual disability? Hello, I appear normal, but I'm really not.....I'm unable to drive because my attention goes everywhere and I zone out and literally forget what I was doing and how I got from point A to point B.
Or, Hello, I appear normal, and I laugh at your jokes and in secret I emotionally beat myself up and cry and think that I'm not normal enough up because I have depression. I take drugs because my serotonin level is low.
Ok, honesty is over.
And something is in the mix because if I feel this way, countless others do to.....
We are not alone.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
House Sitting makes me question the values of a home...
I am currently house sitting for a friend and her husband. In the week that I've been here, I've realized how much I miss not having a house, and how much I'm grateful I do not have one.
What I mean is this....When people have a house, no matter where it is, they have a sanctuary to go to. They have their own living room, bathroom, kitchen, and bedroom. They do not have to think of the fact that someone else, the landlord, owns it. There becomes a sense of ownership and a sense of pride. People fix up their homes. They entertain in their homes. They worry about mortgages and gardens and plants and wallpaper designs. They do what they can because it is theirs.
I do not have a house that is mine. Instead, I have a tiny studio apartment. I long for the sanctuary and a place to call my own. Someday, I know that I will have it. Hopefully.
In the meantime, I am glad I do not live in a house. I do not have the finances to purchase and maintain a home. Also, instead of a landlord to worry about, homeowners have to worry about the possibility of their homes going into foreclosure. That's scary and sad. (On a personal note, I know a friend who has a second mortgage and another who rents out a bedroom after a divorce to pay for her home.) I also travel and am not home that often. I love the friend's home that I am now; however, I know that if I have a home, I would never want to leave and explore what life has to offer. It takes living in a crappy place to force me to go out and explore the world.
And that begs the question in this long and rambling post, what would you rather do: rent or own a house?
What I mean is this....When people have a house, no matter where it is, they have a sanctuary to go to. They have their own living room, bathroom, kitchen, and bedroom. They do not have to think of the fact that someone else, the landlord, owns it. There becomes a sense of ownership and a sense of pride. People fix up their homes. They entertain in their homes. They worry about mortgages and gardens and plants and wallpaper designs. They do what they can because it is theirs.
I do not have a house that is mine. Instead, I have a tiny studio apartment. I long for the sanctuary and a place to call my own. Someday, I know that I will have it. Hopefully.
In the meantime, I am glad I do not live in a house. I do not have the finances to purchase and maintain a home. Also, instead of a landlord to worry about, homeowners have to worry about the possibility of their homes going into foreclosure. That's scary and sad. (On a personal note, I know a friend who has a second mortgage and another who rents out a bedroom after a divorce to pay for her home.) I also travel and am not home that often. I love the friend's home that I am now; however, I know that if I have a home, I would never want to leave and explore what life has to offer. It takes living in a crappy place to force me to go out and explore the world.
And that begs the question in this long and rambling post, what would you rather do: rent or own a house?
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Unemployment Goals
I miss having a full-time job. It's refreshing to know that you have a schedule with certain tasks to do during the day. Now that I'm unemployed, there's some days where I feel like doing nothing. I don't let that happen. I make sure that there's writing to be done, my apartment is clean, and I volunteer in my community and for my community. I also geek out by reading books, watching Dr. Who, and practicing tai-chi. In the meantime, I'm also keeping my eyes and ears open for jobs. I also spend my time in coffee shops, and know that I can just sit and be.
Some goals I have yet to work on: save money and learn website creation. I know those goals will become reality in their own due time.
Peace,
Some goals I have yet to work on: save money and learn website creation. I know those goals will become reality in their own due time.
Peace,
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Younger/Older Generations and Disability Civil Rights
The struggle for people with disabilities to live in their homes and not in their nursing homes is a long one. It is a fight that is not yet won, and younger people than ever are part of this fight. Younger people have to be. If we just let the older generation fight, then what happens when they die off or get to tired? Everyone in this civil rights struggle need support. The younger generation has to support the older one, and the older one has to educate the younger one. Sometimes it seems as if the younger generation wants to take reigns too swiftly and sometimes it seems as if the older generation does not want to give up leadership. It's not about power and control for the younger/older generation. It's all about strategy. We want to win. We have to win. It's our lives on the line and we have to ensure that we are able to receive services and supports when and where we want them.
So the question is from all of this, how can I support my younger and older brothers and sisters in this fight?
So the question is from all of this, how can I support my younger and older brothers and sisters in this fight?
Sunday, May 29, 2011
In Solidarity
I'm sitting around in my pj and wondering what to write. Lots have changed since April. I lost my job, and I'm on the hunt for a new position. A friend of mine is in the same boat I am in, and solidarity is a welcoming thing. We are going to review our resumes together and talk about cover letters. We're going to drink sake and read books. We're going to be able to lose the weight that the stress of employment brought unto us. We're going to be able to make our own goals and find out as adults what we really want to be in life.
When I referenced 'we' some of those things might not occur for my friend, and that is alright. Solidarity is welcoming and as long as we have allies, our goals, no matter what they are, will happen.
When I referenced 'we' some of those things might not occur for my friend, and that is alright. Solidarity is welcoming and as long as we have allies, our goals, no matter what they are, will happen.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Food and Mindfulness
A couple of years ago, I went to a Buddhist monastery. Everyone was eating vegetarian food, and only taking what they could eat. Last weekend I went to a training where food was communal, healthy, and mostly vegetarian.
Last week a lesson that I learned from the monastery came back to me: mindfulness in eating and food preparation.
It seems as if I, probably like many people, look at food like a social cure, quick fix, a drug. I eat food when I'm with people because there's nothing else to do. I eat food that's closest to me because I don't want to take the 10 minutes to prepare something healthy. I eat food because it tastes good and not worry what it is or is not doing for my body.
It's been raining all day today, and I've been inside all day. I've done dishes, played with the soapy water, and made eggs for lunch. It was the first time I've made eggs in over a year. At first, I just wanted to grab a bowl of cereal and be done with it. I did not want to spend the time cracking the eggs, and frying them. I did not want to spend the time toasting the english muffins to put the eggs on.
I did not listen to that idea. I began to question myself what I thought of a chore, and turned it around to be a game and something fun. I also began to notice how the eggs sizzle on the frying pan and how the yoke turns hard. I became grateful because I was going to nourish my body and a chicken gave me that egg.
When the eggs finished cooking and the bread finished toasting, I ate the egg sandwich, and it was the best thing I've ever ate in a while.
Last week a lesson that I learned from the monastery came back to me: mindfulness in eating and food preparation.
It seems as if I, probably like many people, look at food like a social cure, quick fix, a drug. I eat food when I'm with people because there's nothing else to do. I eat food that's closest to me because I don't want to take the 10 minutes to prepare something healthy. I eat food because it tastes good and not worry what it is or is not doing for my body.
It's been raining all day today, and I've been inside all day. I've done dishes, played with the soapy water, and made eggs for lunch. It was the first time I've made eggs in over a year. At first, I just wanted to grab a bowl of cereal and be done with it. I did not want to spend the time cracking the eggs, and frying them. I did not want to spend the time toasting the english muffins to put the eggs on.
I did not listen to that idea. I began to question myself what I thought of a chore, and turned it around to be a game and something fun. I also began to notice how the eggs sizzle on the frying pan and how the yoke turns hard. I became grateful because I was going to nourish my body and a chicken gave me that egg.
When the eggs finished cooking and the bread finished toasting, I ate the egg sandwich, and it was the best thing I've ever ate in a while.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Let Our Own Lights Shine
This morning I looked at people walking, and I was in awe. I did not know them, and yet they existed. Their lives are completely different and unique. I can never replicate them. Their values are their own, and they have their own families, friends, beliefs, and activities. They are aware of their own existence than they are of mine. Just as I was aware that they lived and breathed, they were also aware that I was a living entity.
It was amazing.
I began to be amazed on the fact that we can exist in a world together. If everyone tries hard enough, our own lights will shine. We might just focus on ourselves first, but if we work towards the common good, our values, and beliefs, and helpfullness will spread to others.
We will be able to empower others to live their own lives and be aware of others. We will be able to empower others to take control and assist where needed. We will empower others to know that if they have enough love for themselves, they can also love others and help them succeed.
Life is great. This universe is great.
In solidarity.
It was amazing.
I began to be amazed on the fact that we can exist in a world together. If everyone tries hard enough, our own lights will shine. We might just focus on ourselves first, but if we work towards the common good, our values, and beliefs, and helpfullness will spread to others.
We will be able to empower others to live their own lives and be aware of others. We will be able to empower others to take control and assist where needed. We will empower others to know that if they have enough love for themselves, they can also love others and help them succeed.
Life is great. This universe is great.
In solidarity.
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